DYSFUNTION JUNCTION
It is times like this that I feel I have no business being a Health Coach.
My son is on an extended visit with his Dad some 600+ miles away.
From the moment he leaves I feel as though I’m in one of those old V8 commercials. You know the ones where the characters are walking sideways at an angle. Nothing feels right. I lose my motivation. I find it quite difficult to find joy in anything. It is also one of the very few times I would ever crave junk food. I find myself not just counting the days until his return, but wondering if it is too soon to call since last we spoke. I don’t want to be around people. I don’t want anyone to see that I’m just one thought away from breaking down and sobbing like a blithering idiot.
Total dysfunction.
On one hand, I’m trying not to be hard on myself. Everything I do revolves around Jack. I do not care more about him more than I did my older children, but due to his Aspergers, his needs are different than theirs ever were. When he is gone I feel I lose my sense of purpose and I lose my focus. It IS understandable with our specific set of circumstance.
On the other hand, I feel like I should be equipped to handle this better. It’s infuriating to me that I don’t have better control over my emotions than this. I perceive it as a weakness.
I find myself asking the one important question, “What would I tell one of my clients?” The answer: I coach myself.
I may not be eating at regular intervals, but I am getting good nourishment. I even chose to go vegetarian with this visit. Even by switching up my normal food routine has helped put some interest in things – at least with eating.
I’ve tried to maintain exercising. I don’t often get a chance to do as much when Jack is here so I’m trying to make better use of that time. Exercise of course is great to help with your moods – and it helps take up some of the long Jack-less days.
I keep music playing. It helps with the silence. My older sons are being great about talking to me more. That’s actually a big plus. Andrew, my oldest son, sent me a link to a scientific study where they found that people preferred electric shock to being alone with their thoughts. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only freak on the planet!
For the mental/emotional aspect I’ve worked very hard with meditation. If you have ever been in a mental funk similar to this, you know it can be very difficult to quiet your mind. The notion of ME sitting down and trying to quiet my mind alone is cause enough for an anxiety attack. You want me to do what? I opted instead for apps that offer GUIDED meditations. I cannot control my mind so I’ll allow someone else to do it for me.
The result has been positive. Not perfect mind you, but definitely better. I’m getting some sleep. Getting some work done. I feel more peaceful. We don’t have to tell everyone that I’ve watched the complete series of Orange Is The New Black AND House Of Cards, do we? I’ve not given into the negative self-talk that so many of us are prone to do.
I miss my kid. On a primal level there will never be a time when I’m totally OK with my young son being away from me. Period. I’ve coached myself to handle it better. I AM, as always, a work in progress. I’m proud that at least I’m trying to do something about it. Maybe I’m not as bad of a coach as I thought.
So, can you recommend a good series for me to try next? ♥
